3 Reasons You Sabotage Your Relationship with Men

The Bible says the man who finds a wife finds a good thing…!

So, why haven’t you been found yet?

Have you been in hiding?

As women, you often struggle in relationships with issues like self-acceptance, self- sabotage and limiting beliefs. These issues cause you to harbor negative views that you secretly hold about yourself and your self-worth.

Unfortunately, these not only affect us negatively but also negatively impact the men we often want to attract, build relationship with and eventually marry.

Let’s take a closer look.

Self- acceptance is one of those responses that do not come easily to most women.

You are the first to either criticize yourself or put yourself down.

You see yourself through lenses that are often tainted by:

You sometimes see yourself through the eyes of other people who often do not see the good in you as much as they should.

Despite this you believe them because unfortunately, you trust them!

You see I know you live in a world where you constantly try to reinvent yourself to meet the vision others have of you.

You even chase those visions that your negative experiences have shaped you into.

These negative experiences set the stage for limiting beliefs about yourself to take root in your mind. You sometimes are not consciously aware of them but these limiting beliefs often dictate your thoughts, your attitudes and your actions.

Over time your Identity gets contaminated and you begin to doubt God’s Word and what He says about you and believe the lies of satan instead.

The truth is you spend many many years becoming seemingly resilient but inwardly weak unable to weather the storms that come your way.

Furthermore, you may appear:

deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something)

shift your old negative thinking patterns and sabotaging behavior.

Limiting beliefs are defined as beliefs you have about youself and about things like love and relationships that are Untrue.

Furthermore, limiting beliefs are self-defeating and they follow you around.

For instance, you may think this way:

You take these self-defeating thoughts into relationships which inevitably end in disaster which feeds the wrong belief.

Additionally, fear is often at the foundation these limiting beliefs. You spend your time gathering evidence against yourself that is false. Whoever first described fear as false evidence appearing real created an apt analogy.

Coupled with fear limiting beliefs keeps you stuck in a life You. Do. Not. Want.

Ladies, your limiting beliefs aren’t facts! They are assumptions that you learnt based on your observation of something that didn’t work- e.g. your parents got divorced so you believe marriages are doomed to fail.

But as daughters of the covenant keeping God you can be confident that He gave you a promise that you can walk out powerfully in 2 Timothy 1: 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Ladies, let’s get REAL.

Tell me? Who do you see when you look in the Mirror?

a. A woman:

Or

b. A woman:

The operating limiting beliefs are for example,

If you see yourself as the latter woman, your relationships will always come under tremendous strain because you spend so much time in hiding. God sees you whole and complete but if your identity in Christ is weak or non-existent you often do not show up as your true self in your relationships.

Relationships need truth to go deep.

As a single Christian woman, you desire companionship which you earnestly pray would lead to marriage but often times it does not.

Why?

Let’s take just 1 example from our list above, fear of rejection!

Deep down you want to receive love and give love in return but this hidden lie keeps you from going to the next level in your relationships. You hold back. You hide behind masks! You act contrary. Your action and your words do not often add up. But the most scary part was to be emotionally bare.

You believe no one will want to be with you because your past disqualifies you but more than that you believe you are unlucky in love often time never owning up to the truth that you are afraid of being rejected!

This fear adds pressure to the relationship that often seems untenable.

When you see yourself in the mirror, what thoughts go through your mind… and through your head?

Listen.

Do you hear your self-tape?

Does it empower, celebrate, acknowledge or encourage you?

Or

Do you hear your self-tape that Belittles you, Condemns or Accuses you?

You often act on what you hear.

You Live in fear of the other woman

You believe these lies and so you live your life waiting for them to materialize. In fact, you look for ways to see them take form and in your mind they often do. You wait for the lies to come to past while doing everything in your power to convince yourself that you are right. Many times they become self-fulfilling prophecy!

So, ladies, if you enter your relationships believing that the man will always leave you for someone else- he may leave but often not because of anyone else, just you. You end up are sabotaging your relationships!

If this is you,

You always think there is someone else! You question every action, doubt every word, investigate every relationship until you wake up (1) morning and he is gone.

Your insecurities scared him away. You are back to square one. Vowing to be more confident next time around!

When you look at You? What do you Say?

God did good.

Or,

I Don't Deserve Anything Good...

Ladies, if your self-tape belittles you, condemns or accuses you, that negative self-tape produces negative self-talk.

Your negative self-talk adversely impacts the way you see yourself and also the way others see you as well.

Many times the “I am” thoughts that go through your head and come out of your mouth are overwhelmingly negative.

They may include these thoughts:

“I am not good enough to be loved”

“I am not pretty enough to be loved”

“I am not really loved by God like other women are”

“I am too old to find love”

“I am not really the kind of woman men seem to want to marry”

“I am too this too that”

Sounds familiar?

Ladies, negative self-talk is more rampant than you might think.

You are not alone there are lots of women like yourself in the Body of Christ who battle with negative self-talk more often that they would care to admit.

I know that if others could see your thoughts or read your minds they would be shocked by what they find.

As we know talking down to ourselves:

Negative self-talk will be one of your biggest hindrance in walking in the desires of your heart. The more you speak the worse you will feel.

Death and life are truly in your words and if you speak it-you often act it. As a result there is often very little than a man can do to convince you that you are good enough for love and attention.

It is near impossible for him to convince you of his love. This often puts a strain on your relationship and it most often ends just the way you imagined it would.

Self- acceptance is one of those things that do not come easily to most women.

Add to this your limiting beliefs and your fears which influence the way you see yourself, think about yourself and speak about yourself.

Your relationship with yourself needs to be one that positively impacts your relationship with others and ultimately with God.

When you look in the mirror who you see, what you hear and what you say determines what you believe, the way you think and the way you act.

Relationships have a chance to thrive away from doubts, fears and insecurities.

You must start to believe the good things God said about you.